I found this Quick Trick via one of my “awesome–always-knows-what-she’s-doing-and-is-a-fantastic-parent” pals who threw it at me a few months ago after I was complaining and moaning that my kids weren’t listening to me anymore. Ever since then, my husband and I have used this technique with Maddy, Owen, and Cora at times when we:
a. need to immediately stop unacceptable behavior;
b. are just too tired, defeated, or frustrated to use the good ole Dr. Becky Bailey strategies; or
c. need to remind our kiddos that they’re the kids and we’re the parents (we’re so hardcore).
- 1, 2, 3 Magic: You use counting to deal with Stop (obnoxious or difficult–think arguing, fighting, whining, yelling, tantrums, etc.) behavior.
- You put on an emotionless face when the behavior starts, and you count: That’s a one. (pause, and if it continues. . .) That’s two. (pause again, and if it’s still going on. . .) That’s three. Move to a time-out and cool down. (OR, Take 5. / Or, some other Time Out Alternative like losing toys, playtime, computer games, etc.)
Here are some benefits of counting:
- Easy to learn for parents and children.
- More time for fun and love in the family.
- Parents’ authority is not negotiable (and bargaining with little people is unnecessary and exhausting).
- Punishment is short and sweet. We use a time-out (just sitting on a small carpet piece away from others) that corresponds with age–3 min for 3 years, 5 for 5 years, and I have a small egg timer to keep track. If the offender does not have a quiet, respectful time-out, then they’ve earned a double time-out. Oooooooohhhhhh.
It’s certainly not perfect, but we seem to have found a balance between Conscious Discipline , 1, 2, 3 Magic. and just being horrible, angry, constantly-yelling parents. . . for now, at least. FYI: The book is actually called 1, 2, 3 Magic by Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, and I’ve just found that their website is super-informative.
It’s worth checking out and giving a try–the book is very easy to read, hysterical in parts, and it answers every question you may have now or tomorrow, after you start. Happy counting!
We used this book when my first daughter was 3 and we reread it when my second daughter hit 3! We love it!
Great idea! Sounds like you have a really awesome friend ๐