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After taking care of three on-and-off sick kiddos for the last three weeks, and after a crazy week of Halloween parties and craziness, I was finally hit with the bug yesterday.

From my bedroom, I could hear Maddy, Owen, and Cora asking my husband every two seconds for another piece of candy.

Every. Two. Seconds.

I know there are very cool ideas out there about a “Halloween Trade“– a small gift in exchange for the children’s bag of candy–which is a super idea, but I just didn’t get there this year.

Plus, being a sweet tooth myself, I do want my kids to have some candy. Call me crazy. Some candy. Some.

So this Quick Trick I came up with on the fly, from my bed, and I was just thanking my lucky stars that I had been keeping empty egg cartons for a while and had enough to do this.

• Candy Countdown Cartons: I grabbed the egg cartons, taped a piece of paper that said “Maddy’s Candy Countdown” onto one carton, “Owen’s. . . ” on another, and “Cora’s . . .” on the last one.

Maddy’s Candy Countdown Carton

Then I said, I’ve heard enough crying for candy. Enough! I am trying to rest, and all I hear is ‘More candy! More candy! Can we please have candy?’

First of all, we don’t eat candy all day long. Secondly, we’re not going to finish all of this candy anyway. Imagine how your bellies would feel if we let you eat junk all day long. Remember the Berenstain Bears and ‘Too Much Junk Food’? It’s Mommy and Daddy’s job to help keep you safe and healthy.

So here is your Candy Countdown Carton. Owen, how many little holes are in this container? He counted and told me.

Right. Twelve. So I’m going to dump all of our candy onto the floor, and each of you can pick twelve pieces of candy. That’s it. Stick one piece in each of these holes, and when Daddy or I say it’s time for candy–for dessert or when we say it’s time–then you can pick one of your pieces.

When your Candy Countdown Carton is empty, candy’s gone. There’s no more. So go through the candy, pick your favorites, and fill up your containers.

So they did. And maybe giving them some ownership over a tiny bit of candy, maybe because ‘twelve’ seems like such a big number to them, or maybe because they just they were happy to play with their candy for a bit, Maddy, Owen, and Cora were content.

I could hear them, after lunch, picking out a piece from their cartons. One piece and they were done.

Maybe this ‘Good-bye Halloween Candy‘ Quick Trick worked after all–or at least for today.

Just a little something to try if you’d like. Hope you had a great Halloween!

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Mmmmmuahhhh!

Give your brain a kiss.

I learned so, so much from Maddy’s incredible preschool teachers when I parent-aided in her first classroom.

She was only there two mornings a week, and I was there a few times a month, but these women were amazing, patient, and seriously skilled at with working with the teeniest of teeny two-year-olds.

So today’s Quick Trick is from them. Just like arm circles and a lot of the Conscious Discipline that they demonstrated, this is something that we’ve used for quite some time and have had much success with.

• Brain Kisses: Whenever Maddy, Owen, or Cora show us that they’re really thinking–really using their growing brains to figure something out, remember something, or to share something they learned with us–we say,

Give your brain a kiss! Your brain is really working hard today. Or,

How did you figure that out? . . . Give your brain a kiss. Or,

Did you really remember that? Oh my gosh, your brain is working so hard. Give it a kiss.

And then that person kisses his or her hand and then puts the kiss on the top of his or her head.

It might sound strange or quirky or weird to some (and it is a little funny. . .), but it’s really normal for us around here to talk about brains and the hard work our brains do to help us learn and grow.

Teachers talk with their students about metacognition–thinking about thinking–so why not start here at home? By giving our brains a little love now and again, we’re helping our kiddos to become more aware of their own processes of learning and developing.

Sometimes, if we see Maddy, Owen, or Cora doing something especially loving towards one another or someone else, we say, Give your heart a kiss. I love it.

A lot of discipline techniques do sound different before they become norms for households, and this is certainly one of them; believe me, I know.

Brain–and heart–kisses reflect the idea behind noticing–or sharing with children the times when we observe them demonstrating positive behaviors in hopes of having them repeat those behaviors independently. We’re all about celebrating little successes, kind of like the big ole Special Plate, letting them make some choices, or looking at things through a positive lens.

Here’s to a weekend full of brain kisses and getting-smarter-(and kinder)-everyday kiddos!

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Lately, I’ve felt overwhelmed by Cora’s ‘two-year-old-ness’.

Her fiery temper; her constant movement; her unceasing energy; her smiles, hugs, songs, and cuddles; her high high’s, and her low low’s. Some days we enjoy this roller coaster ride, and others, we all want off.

But what I’ve also realized is that as a parent, I’m more experienced than I was when Maddy was two, but I’m not in the fog of fatigue that I muddled through when Owen was the same age. I’m in a different place, and although I sometimes wish that Cora already knew the correct ways of behaving, I seem to have forgotten that those behaviors have to be taught.

So last week, I needed to revisit my old, trusty parenting books for a quick refresher. I didn’t like that I had begun to sound like a broken record, ordering everyone around, raising my voice, and being a reactive parent instead of a proactive parent.

I needed to stop, breathe, and really start to notice the behaviors I wanted her to continue. And then I needed to share with her what I noticed.

It’s all about “shining your light” where you indicate value:

• Noticing Behaviors: The goal with noticing is to state an observation rather than make a judgement.

No–Good job, Cora.

Yes!–Cora, you put your toys in the bin and your clothes in the drawers. You cleaned your room so you can find things when you want them.

Wordy, yes. Takes thought, yes. But it does make sense, especially for our little guys.

Here’s the skinny–

• Start your sentence with the child’s name or the pronoun ‘you’. Look at you!, or I noticed. . .

• Describe what you see. You found her blanket and gave it to her. That was helpful!

• End your description with a ‘tag’. Tags describe attributes of your child or values you admire, like that took determination; you sure are organized; that was helpful; that was thoughtful.

Some examples–

• Look at you! You’re eating with your spoon!
• You did it! You went potty on the big potty. Good for you!
• Owen, you held the door for Cora. That was helpful.
• Cora, you offered Maddy a french fry when hers were all gone. That was so thoughtful.
• Maddy, you picked up all of the doll clothes without being asked. That was super helpful.

Becky Bailey believes that if you accentuate your child’s strengths, you teach them their abilities. If you encourage their contribution, you teach them how important it is that they share their gifts.

It’s hard. It’s so hard. But positive behaviors have to be taught–which is much easier said than done sometimes.

And if we spotlight the behaviors that we want repeated (think: Special Plate), then most likely those behaviors will be repeated.

This Quick Trick is another one from Becky Bailey’s Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline (2000), which has helped me to become more conscious in my disciplining. (When I am disciplined enough to use it!)

I’m far from an expert, hardly the perfect parent, and by nature am quick-tempered and fiery myself (hmmmm, where does sweet Cora get it?), but I am always, always looking for quick tricks to keep in my back pocket. Do share yours!

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About two years ago, I ran across this huge, crazy, red, gaudy Special Plate at our local home design store.

It was a no-brainer for me to pick it up, since I vaguely remembered reading about the wonders of the “Special Plate” somewhere during the foggy time when I had three kids, three years old and under.

So here is my Quick Trick for today–The Special Plate.

• The Special Plate: We use the Special Plate for just about any reason we can find. For one day, whoever earns the Special Plate will use it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cereal bowls sit on top of it, and it’s a great resting spot for just about any meal–from peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to spaghetti or steak.

Here are just some ways a person can earn the Special Plate. . .

-Waking up in dry Overnights . . . being kind to a family member or friend. . . sharing toys. . . cleaning up without having to be asked. . .

-Using super-polite manners. . . having a great report from teachers. . . helping Mom or Dad with a project. . . working hard at something. . .

-Having a great swim meet/ soccer practice/ or gymnastics class. . . showing us that they’re really trying hard to be patient, kind, helpful . . .

-Finally jumping off of the diving board. . . being brave at the doctor or dentist or after a big fall. . . helping out a neighbor. . . having a birthday. . .treating Golden and Guinea in a gentle, loving way. . .

-Getting through that first week of being potty-trained. . . a first day of school. . . being caught doing something sweet, when they thought no one was looking. . .

One of Maddy’s awesome preschool teachers shared with me that her family uses their Special Plate almost daily and then at dinnertime everyone goes around the table saying one kind thing about each person.

I love, love, love the Special Plate idea and wish I remembered to use it more, since focusing on positive behavior is oftentimes overlooked. We all seem to be more programmed to deal negative behavior after it occurs–especially with young children.

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Once an awhile, instead of sharing what secret little lesson I’ve stuck into our day, I’m going to share a Quick Trick that works (more often than not) for me or for one of my pals. Some days, as most parents know, things just don’t go the way you’d hoped and it’s all you can do to make it through the day. This parenting thing is tough, and there’s no rest for the weary. So my Quick Trick might focus on anything from parenting to preschool, healthy habits to a happy household. Most likely, I’ve stolen the idea from someone, somewhere else and made it my own; teachers are the best, most practiced thieves.

So here we go. . .

This May Change Your Life:
(okay, or maybe just a tiny part of it)

• Give children two positive choices as a way of setting limits. Here is the formula:

1. You may ____ or _____.
2. What is your choice?
3. You chose ____!

• For older children, try:

1. Feel free to ____ or ____. OR,
2. Which of these options would be better for you, ____ or ____?

• When Owen doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning, I try: Hmmmm, what will Owen choose to put on first, his pants or his shirt? Awesome! He chose to put on his shirt first this morning!
  

• When we’re leaving a friend’s house: I wonder if Maddy will choose to put on her coat or her boots first. . . Yesterday she put on her boots first. What will she choose today? . . .
  

• When we’re trying to clean up: Will Owen choose to put away these cars first or the puzzles?
  

It does sound strange at first, I know, but after awhile, I was totally surprised at how this worked and got my little ones moving. The choices have to positive, though, and that’s the tough part initially. Saying, Okay, feel free to clean up this mess or go to your room, won’t cut it. Instead try, This room is a mess. Are you going to choose to put the puzzles or the Polly Pockets away first?

I’m a huge, huge fan of Dr. Becky Bailey’s Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, and although it is a constant challenge for me to incorporate all of her principles into my daily routine, I find that her philosophy of discipline and parenting is really worth exploring.

Dr. Bailey says, Discipline is not a technique to use on children. It is a way of life to model for children.

And that’s the hard part for me. The emotional, quick-tempered Irish girl I am heard myself saying early on (to my then 2-yr old), You better stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about! I stopped myself, totally freaked out, and knew that I was in desperate need of a paradigm shift–or I’d be eaten alive by my own kids. It is not easy–or natural–for me as a parent to take a deep breath and think before I speak to my whining, crying, cranky child who’s asking me for the gazillionth time to go outside, for another snack, to watch tv, or find a missing doll shoe.

So reading–and re-reading–and picking out the parts make sense to me from Dr. Bailey’s book has helped me to try to be more conscious of the way I interact with my children during both the easy and more difficult times so that discipline becomes, like she says, a way of life to model for them. Much easier said than done, but I’m trying to do my best, just like we all are.

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