Last Friday, we saw Cinderella.
The new and improved Cinderella from Disney.
And it was gorgeous. It was beautiful.
From start to finish, the characters were beautiful, the setting was beautiful. The dress. The dress was beautiful. The glass slippers? Beautiful.
And the end? It’s picture-perfect.
It’s a fairy tale ending, just like we all wanted.
Every little girl I know will want to see it. Over and over and over and over and over again.
Which is why I truly believe that there’s a must-have conversation every family must have after taking kids to see Cinderella.
Here’s the skinny. . .
The Must-Have Conversation Every Family Must Have After Taking Kids to See Cinderella:ย
First, let me be clear: I get Cinderella.
I know the story.
I saw the animated movie.
I have shared them both with my kids well before we saw the new movie. I know it’s a fairy tale, and I know how it ends.
And I’m not expecting miracles.
But perhaps Elsa is fresh on my mind since we’re all still defrosting from Frozen fever. ย Elsa was a rockstar in the way she works out her personal struggles without the help of anyone other than her sister. ย And in the end, she learns to control her powers and run a country.
Maybe I just over-loved Tiana who saves pennies in a cofollows her lifelong dream to open a restaurant. ย As an entrepreneur, I want my girls to know that they can do anything they set their mind to.
Brave’s Merida was so full of adventure and drive, and I loved her refusal to fit into her family’s preconceived molds. ย Sheย set out to follow her own destiny,ย learning some serious life lessons along the way.
Are these three Disney princess perfect? Not at all. But they’re fresh on my mind, being that they are the more recent additions to the Disney princess club.
As we were walking out of the theater last week, after hearing all of the oooooohs and ahhhhhhhs and wishful conversations among movie-goers,ย I wanted to remind all of the parents to talk to their daughters about a few things. ย Really.
Please parents, after watching Cinderella, tell your daughters:
You are beautiful.
You. Are. Beautiful.
Your healthyย body is beautiful. You have strong legs that take you everywhere, that allow you to run, jump, flip, bike, ice-skate, rollerskate, and play. ย You have strong arms that you use to build structures, make forts, stringย bracelets, paint pictures, and design your dreams; your arms and hands allow you to write notes, type stories, do handstands and cartwheels.
God gave you one body, and you take care of it well. ย You. Are. Beautiful.
You are smart.
You. Are. Smart.
You read, you listen, and you think. You are questioning and curious. You work hard on your homework until you understand it, and you take your school work seriously. You are a coveted classmate for projects and assignments; your friends know you are a hard worker and that your creative, innovative ideas will get your project done well.
You figure things out. You follow directions. You can do things on your own, and if you can’t, you ask for help. You. Are. Smart.
You are strong.
You. Are. Strong.
You are strong whether I am with you or not, whether your dad is with you or not.
You are strong by yourself, wherever you are, whomever you are with. You are strong in or out of our house, in the summer or winter, in the spring or fall. You are strong whether you have hair or no hair, phone or no phone, toys or no toys.
You are strong no matter what you are wearing and no matter what you think. You. Are. Strong.
You are kind.
You. Are. Kind.
Youย have more kindness in your pinky finger than more people have in their whole body.
You always think about other people. ย You write sweet notes to friends. You wrap beautiful, homemade gifts. You take care of our pets, and you help around our house. You are giving, and you care about how people feel. ย You. Are. Kind.
Now, think about the movie. Sure, Cinderella was beautiful and ‘courageous and kind’ like her mom said, but really, there are some things you need to know.ย
Cinderella was wearing a corset to make her waist look super tiny.
Cinderella–along with all of the women in the movie–was wearing costumes that made her body look different.
The were wearing corsets. Or girdles. Or something like that.
A corset is something that women wore long ago to hold in their stomachs, to make them look more like an hourglass. Corsets are kind of like the top part of an ice-skate but around your waist. The laces are pulled super-super tight in the middle and a little more loose at the top and bottom so the hips and breasts look bigger. In olden days, people actually had fainting couches and fainting rooms because women were barely able to breathe wearing these corsets–often they fainted.
Can you even imagine? Think about how hard that must have been. Think about how tough it would have been for those ladies to walk down the street in a corset, let alone dance, run, jump, or play.
Cinderella did not need toย take that awful treatment from her stepmother or stepsisters.
I mean it. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
It’s one thing to be courageous and kind, but it’s another to be a total pushover.
Cinderella could have said something like,
Hey, I don’t appreciate the way you’re making fun of me right in front of my face. It’s not nice, and I won’t stand for it. Or. . .
I’m sorry, but I am definitely not going up into the attic for a bedroom. If the sisters want to share my bigger bedroom, that’s fine. I’ll take the smaller one. But the attic? No way. ย Or. . .
Really? Do you honestly feel good about sending me to eat alone in the kitchen?ย No, sorry. I’m eating at this table with you guys. So. How’s the weather?ย ย Or. . .
Um, nope. I’m not cool with tying your shoes. I can help youย loosen your corset and then you can tie your own shoes. Thankyouverymuch. ย Or. . .
I don’t care what you think about this dress. It was my mom’s, and even if it is a little out-dated or not quite as poofy as yours, it means a lot to me. You’re entitled to your opinion, but I’m still going to the ball with you. Now, move over, bacon. . .ย
Cinderellaย could have left the house.
We saw her talking to a girlfriend in the market one day, right? That pal could have helped her get out. But Cinderella had some funny belief that she needed to stay in the house to ‘honor her mother and father’? I don’t believe it. No way. Her parents loved her. Bottom line.
So that means that more than anything, they’d want her happy.
Usually there’s someone who can help you–no matter what situation you’re in, no matter how bad things seem. There’s someone who can help you. ย Whether it’s a parent, brother or sister, classmate, neighbor, friend, teacher, or coach–someone can be your lifeline.
Cinderella did not use her lifeline. Clearly.
Cinderella could have done something.
After an amazing, magical, awesome time at the ball, Cinderella just sat in her attic room waiting forย . . . what?
What was she waiting for?ย What was she doing up there after the ball? Was she locked in her room? I can’t even remember.
All I know is this: at that point, Cinderella could have done a dozen other things to change her situation other than just sit there and sing. Right?
Right.
So though she was pretty lucky that the Prince’s guy was there and demanded that they check out the beautiful singing heard from above, life doesn’t always work out that way.
Sometimes–most of the time, actually–you have to take the reigns in your own hands.
And though it’s a whole lot sweeter if you’re courageous and kind, often, you have to do a little more, give a little more, risk a little more.
You’ve got to use your strength and your smarts to steer your own ship.
To plot your own course.
Toย find your own map.
To paint your own masterpiece.
To buy your own flowers.
To sing your own song.
But I know you can do it, and I love you.
* * * * *
fyi: I am proud to be a part of the Fandango Family Digital Network and will share a movie-related post quarterly.ย Parents, check out the deets on Cinderella, including information about the cast and crew, from our friends at Fandango. ย ย Share your #fandangofamily moments for others to see, or check out the Fandango Family Facebook pageย for fun posts and contests.
I am proud to work with Disney as well. All of the Cinderella images are courtesy of Disney. ย Thank you!
i completely agree with you!!! thank you very sharing this…
i know this is an old post, but i had to say something. it’s great to tell your kid “don’t let people walk all over you that way,” but it’s not ok to sit there and point out all the things she did wrong. You seem to mean well, so I doubt that you intended to say that she deserved it, but that’s what it comes across as. she should have demanded a bedroom, to go to the ball, to not tie their shoes? there’s a difference between bravery and stupidity.
what do you seriously think would have happened? she didn’t say those things because she valued her bodily safety (of course, they wouldn’t directly say so in a children’s movie) and did not want to get thrown out on the street! this movie is generally aimed at children, and when kids are in such situations, they have little choice but to count down the days until they become adults!! they have to wait it out, know when to pick their battles, and try not to become angry and bitter like the people hurting them. “have courage and be kind” is her way of not internalizing their bs.
this movie is definitely an oversimplification and far from perfect, but for every few posts complaining that she’s too passive, there’s one praising a fairly-accurate depiction of abuse and pointing out that being able to love again is an important part of healing. I could go on and on picking apart specific details of your post, but I donโt want to make this even longer. I just wanted to point out that many people strongly relate to this and that there is a difference between being a pushover and surviving.
Hi, Jane–I appreciate your response and definitely think you’ve given me a bunch to think about. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts!
Bravo bravo!! Wish I had had your article to read when my daughter was young! Love it! I love a good fairytale too but it is important to teach our girls to empower themselves. Thank you!
I just wanted to say that fainting couches and women not being able to breathe in corsets is a myth. A properly made corset is comfortable and doesn’t restrict breathing.
Also, for the time period that this story is set in, no she wouldn’t have been able to just leave. An unmarried daughter was the property of her parents until she found a husband. Fortunately we don’t have to live that way anymore.